Funerals...

I hate funerals.  I'm sure everyone does.  But I really hate how they are another chance for people to preach at you.  I haven't lost a lot of people in my life, for which I am grateful.  Death is hard on the living.  I lost my mother and aunt in 1995.  They were both very young...31 years old.  I was 11 when I attended their funerals.  I don't remember a lot, other than a lot of crying.

I've been to two funeral in the past three weeks.  One was for a friend...only 25 years old.  They other for my great-grandmother.  A month shy of her 99th birthday.  Both of these funerals were very religious.  These funerals become less of a celebration of the person's life, and more about Jesus and God.  I think it's insulting to the deceased.  I know funerals are for the living, but you should respect the dead.

 In the case of my friend, who died tragically at the age of 25.  I know for a fact that he didn't believe in any of this religion crap.  Yet his funeral was a typical catholic funeral. The priest said he was a child of god.  My friend would have been laughing his ass off.

My great grandmother's funeral was 2 days ago.  It wasn't sad, as I know she lived a great, long life.  She will be missed, but I wasn't terribly upset.  You expect people of that age to pass.  In the last year, her quality of life wasn't very good.  She suffered from dementia.  80% of her funeral was from the bible and the pastor telling us that in order to celebrate my grandmother, we should accept Jesus as our savior.  Are you fucking kidding me?  I will celebrate my grandmother by the memories I have for her.  Jesus has nothing to do with this.  As she herself, as told by my grandparents, did not accept Jesus until 4 years ago.  Which I suspect is due to my born again christian grandparents asking her on a daily basis.  Well she held out 94 years.  I'm not saying she wasn't religious, but she seemed to keep it to herself.  I sat there the other day just angry.  I know people have a right to have their religion, but when you inject the religion after the person has died, when they have no say is just completely disrespectful.  Especially if that person wasn't a member of your jesus club.

my great-grandmother...back in the day

I know people use heaven as a comfort because they are scared of death.  It's so much nicer to think that you go on to another life after this one and are reunited with your loved ones.  But the christians use this a a bargaining chip to recruit others.   You won't get to see your loved ones unless you accept jesus as your savior.  And if you don't, you are going to burn in hell.  But there is no evidence of this whatsoever.  This is the only life we have and we have to make the most of it.

Who is Angel?

Hello Internet.  My name is Angel...and I am an atheist.  I am 27 years old and hail from the great state of New Jersey.

My story is probably the same as many others.  Nothing too out of the ordinary.  Some bits are happy, some dark.  Everything that has happened to me in my life has led me to today.  I would not take back any of it.

I was born in New Jersey in the early 80's.  My mother and father were young.  I don't think they were married yet, but were soon after my arrival.  They weren't rich.  Two siblings came after me in the next four years.  A brother and sister.  My grandparents are all religious, so I grew up going to church with them every Sunday.  We spent a lot of time with my mother's parents.  They are born again Christians, and it is very important in their lives.  Which meant it was to be important in ours as well.

angel the itty-bitty atheist.  with my mother and father.

I remember questioning the stories of the bible at a very young age.  I vividly remember asking my grandfather where the dinosaurs fit into the creation story at the age of four.  I do not remember his answer, which meant it must have been unsatisfactory.  It never made sense to me.  Don't get me started on Noah's Ark.

Church was always a point of contention with me.  I remember fighting with my parents because I didn't want to go.  They didn't go.  Why should I?  My father's parents came to pick us up every Sunday.  I know my parents aren't religious, but they do believe.  I think they just wanted some peace and quiet for a few hours.  So usually after an argument, we'd drive to church.  I'd sit there and listen.  Stand when everyone stood.  Kneel when everyone knelt.  Sing when they sung.  But for me, I was just going through the motions.  I didn't have this sense of belonging, everyone in the church talks about.  I didn't get it.  It didn't make sense to me.  But I went.  Year after year...it was easier than putting up a fight.

When I was 11, my mother died.  She and my father had separated and divorced when I was six.  She was in and out of my life after that.  I missed her.  A couple months before she died, my father remarried.  My stepmother and I didn't get along.  It was hard.  Everyone would tell me..."God has a plan."  Really?  Really???!!!  So his plan was to kill my mother, which would send me in to a suicidal depression?  Good job, God.  Thanks for that.

 My grandparents took us to camp in the summer.   Jesus camp.   Yes,  I met a lot of nice kids my age, and had fun.  But we had mandatory church every day and 3 times on Sunday.  Special classes for the teenagers on why sex before marriage is wrong, and how listening to secular music with put you on a path to evil.  Blah, blah, blah.  I don't listen to anything but secular music.  And at that time, a lot of it was hard rock, alternative and metal.  I was especially evil.  lol.

What the adults didn't know was that in our time off from church, a lot of the teens were smoking weed and having sex in the woods.  I didn't partake in either really.  I made out with a couple guys, but I never had sex.  I didn't see my first time being on the ground in the dirt,  in the woods at Jesus Camp....very romantic.   And I chose cigarettes over weed.  But again, I went through the motions with the praying and singing.  I'm not going to say I didn't have fun, but I definitely could have done without the church.

When I was a teenager, things were bad at home.  My step-mother and I were constantly fighting.  I started cutting myself.  School was my escape.  I really enjoyed high school.  I had a lot of friends.  They saved me.  I seriously considered killing myself numerous times.   If there was a god, there was no proof for me.  I prayed and prayed to whatever might be up in space to help me.  No help came.  I eventually left home when I was 18.  I wound up moving in with a friend from high school and her family.  I didn't talk to my parents for over a year.

 I'm going to fast forward a little bit, as this is getting quite long.

 I wound up getting pregnant when I was 20.  My family really supported me, even though they didn't exactly agree with what I was doing.  After my daughter was born, my life changed.  I went back to college and turned my life around.  My grandparents were always asking when I was going to baptize her.  I always changed the subject.  I had no plans to baptize her.  I knew then, as I did for a long time that I didn't agree with the church.  I was done going through the motions, and I wasn't going to put my daughter through that. I want her to make her own decision. I am not forcing, nor will I let my family force her into a certain religion.

the day that changed my life. with my daughter, 2005. born perfect the first time.

In the past few years, I stared using the internet with more frequency.  It has opened the door to so much information.  I started to care what I believed.  I stared watching youtube videos on religion, I started reading blogs and books.  And about a year or two ago, I came out to myself as an atheist.  I still hid it from my family, especially my grandparents.  But the more and more I researched, I realized how ridiculous religion is.  I don't understand how people that are so logical in all aspects of their lives, go to church on sunday and actually believe in Adam and Eve, or Noah's Ark as actual fact.   I just cannot wrap my head around it.

In the last year, I have become quite aggressive in my beliefs (or lack their of).  I'm not preaching at people or anything, but I just feel like I have to share what I know.   That's why I'm finally starting my own blog.  If people don't agree with me, whatever.  I'm just surrounded by religion, and it angers me.  We live in a country where religion is supposed to be separated from state.  I am angry that christian politicians are using the bible to regulate the rights of the people in this country.  Who are they to say what is right and wrong?  With the rise of atheism and other people claiming no affiliation to any religion in this country, I am finally comfortable to come out to the world.  I am an atheist.  And I will hide no longer. You will hear what I have to say.  Atheists have been subjected to prosecution by religion for thousands of years. I am so happy that we are finally coming out of the woodwork and standing up for ourselves.  Religion is immoral and corrupt and in my opinion, the world would be better without it.